Overactive Mind

I find that as I get older my mind is constantly in overdrive. I am always thinking about everything that is going on in my life and I analyze every aspect. I tend to end end up focusing on the negative or concentrate on what the bad outcomes could be. I rarely focus on the positive mainly because I am trying to get ahead of any negative outcomes and be ready to respond. I am sure this is a protective measure where I am trying to be proactive to reduce risk and harm. But, this is extremely difficult to deal with and has to be harmful psychologically. I do this with everything but much more so with health issues. I have been going through some health concerns for the past 2 months and I have spent many hours during the middle of the night wide awake with a racing heart and mind thinking thinking thinking. Has this illness caused kidney disease Google says I have all of the symptoms so there is no other explanation. While I know that most likely I am wrong I still ruminate on the negative. Yesterday I had to go to the ER because I was feeling badly and I was unable to get into see my primary care doctor or my Urologist. While being triaged the questioning nurse put her hand on my arm and told me “you don’t have to figure this out we well run tests and determine what is going on, it is not your responsibility.” I was amazed at how good that made me feel. I could relax and put myself in the hands of the experts. I immediately was relieved and my anziety went down a notch. All my tests came back and the doctor thinks I have a UTI. I tried to out think him and while I went to the pharmacy and picked up the antibiotic that was prescribed. I initially refused to take it thinking I should wait until the bacteria culture (2 days) came back to verify the diagnosis. Today I decided that I would listen to the nurse and let the experts determine what was wrong and what was needed to fix it so today I took my first dose. The fact that I was feeling badly certainly helped pushed me in that direction. I will be doing more meditation to try and slow my monkey mind. Here is to good health I won’t take it for granted ever again, and my compassion for those with chronic health problems has grown immensely.